Week 72 – Ploiești, România

Thanks for the wonderful email. It is kind of nice to hear about others struggling. Not because I want others to struggle, but I feel so alone in it sometimes. Which reminds me of what happened just yesterday and this morning.

So…I did get transferred out of Brașov and into Ploiești to be a Zone Leader with my new companion. I am looking forward to this new responsibility but there are always little doubts and stinker’s whispering stupid things in my brain. I am still excited though.

I was at transfers Monday and Tuesday which is why I am emailing you right now! While we were there I noticed that my social skills, and sociability has really decreased over my mission. I just have a hard time talking to other missionaries. I mean, there is nothing wrong with them, but I just don’t have this super big connection with any of them. Most of my companions have been older than me, and have left, or the other group is young and all have other people to talk to. Thus, I end up sitting by myself thinking about something in the Gospel. Asa mai departe. Ceva asa. I am not bothered by it at all, because I really don’t have a lot to say to anyone in general, but sometimes it feels lonely. I am trying to do better at finding the others who may feel a little out of place and lonely like me and talk to them. Help them feel good about themselves.

Anywho, I was with a ton of missionaries, and I just felt so very out of place. Even some of the people I was talking with, would stop me in my conversation and turn and talk to someone else. It was kind of silly. I just felt like no one really cared that I was there, and if I walked away no one would notice until I was needed to be with my new comp. It was kind of a rough moment. It didn’t help when a few people parents showed up, and they gave there sons big old hugs and stuff. I felt instantly home sick. So there was a whirlwind of emotion in me…girly feelings…ugh. I tried not to dwell on it too much, but satan would like me to believe that no one really does care about me, and so those thoughts lingered. It was even kind of sad waking up this morning. However, I went to my routine and started my personal study. That led me to read a conference talk about courage from President Monson. One of the last lines said that we are never alone when we are striving to live the gospel standards. That made me feel really happy. I felt like someone cared. That’s a good feeling. I know that people care about me, but those voices pop into my head and they are so difficult to get out sometimes. Sometimes there is a physical weight to them. I am learning how to really focus on getting those kinds of things out of my head. It was an excellent personal study though.

Conference was good in Romanian but the translators go so fast! Even our investigators there were having a hard time listening to it. They told us afterward that they would probably listen to it in English later. (they both speak English). I liked the ones that I did listen to though. They were really good!

I am glad to hear that Cuyuna is open! I miss mountain biking, but I know that I will get back to it eventually. I am not too worried about missing anything. I think it is awesome that you got called to the Stake High Council! That is a really good opportunity for you to grow and see different things. I hope that you will enjoy it. I am surprised that the bishopric hasn’t changed in so long. I mean that is pretty crazy.

I love hearing about all the fun things you guys are doing and stuff, I am also really glad that you guys are trying to do better spiritually, especially Lilly. It is so important to keep in mind all the wonderful things that we do have in our lives, and that they all come from our Heavenly Father. We are very blessed to be here at this time. I really don’t have any other stories for you. I love you guys a lot!